[Lord]

Since poor Bjorn's thread...

English -- Bjørn Nyland has posted his first i4 test

www.i4talk.com

...became a laughing stock, (something that I'm sure he would totally approved) I'm opening this new thread to post all the "Hey BMW..." funny stuff, that I'm sure we can think ...thousands!

So....

1)
- Hey BMW...
- How can I help?
- I want to hear some jokes
- I'm calling Bjorn.

2)
- Woof woof-woof (- Hey BMW in dog language, which of course iDrive 8 supports)
- How can I help?
- Woof wooooo-blah-cough-woof (- My master farted)
- I'm opening the sunroof.

3)
- Hey BMW...
- How can I help?
- It's raining...
- I'm re-opening the sunroof.

4)
- Hey BMW iX...
- How can I help?
- We want to have some sex in the car.
- I'm making the sunroof transparent, opening all windows and calling your wife.

 

[460]

Hey BMW..
How can I help?
Your boss speaking, I urgently need to switch to this electric car stuff
I'm calling Hans Zimmer

 

[Lord]

- Hey BMW...
- How can I help you.
- What is your favorite band?
- AC/DC


- Hey BMW...
- How can I help you.
- Your grill is too small.
- Haha, that's a good one sir!


- Hey BMW...
- How can I help you.
- How can I help YOU?
- Don't fart in my seats, don't eat chips inside the cabin. don't park me under trees with birds, don't...
- Ok, ok I get it...

 

[Lord]

- Hey BMW...
- How can I help you.
- Open the passenger door for my wife!
- (murmuring) When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. (even lower) ...And that's an old, ugly bitch!

- Hey BMW...look at that idiot!
- Yes sir.
- Wow BMW...look at that maniac!
~Yes sir.
- Sir?
- Yes BMW?
- Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

 

[Lord]

- Hey BMW...
- How can I help you.
- Drive me to the Gym!
- No. Run there yourself and then ...you don't need a subscription!


P.S. Guys I don't believe that I'm the only one writing jokes here!

 

[460]

- πεψ βMω...
- A malfunction has been detected in your mouth, please reset yourself to English mode

 

[460]

- Hey BMW...
- Wait, we need to talk, who is that Siri bitch you were talking to ?!?

 

[460]

- Hey BMW, I think there is a problem with the door closing sound
- Loading "Iconic Door Closing Sounds by John Williams", 200€, per door.

 

[460]

- Hey BMW...
- [Your car has been hacked, send us 100 bitcoins for recovering your individual settings and Iconic Sounds]

 

[Lord]

LOL! All Great @Mycroft!!!
(I I was about to make a John Williams vs. Hans Zimmer joke but I like yours better)

 

[460]

Some clichés :

Ciao BMW!
Sport mode ON.

Γεια σας BMW!
Austerity mode ON.

Hola BMW!
Horn ON.

你好 BMW!
Video upload to national party servers ON.

Hållø BMW!
Loading Alcoholic Sounds.

Bună ziua BMW!
Emergency call in progress.

Bonjour BMW!
Strike mode ON. Bye.

 

[Lord]

LOL! All excellent @Mycroft !!

Bonjour BMW!
Strike mode ON. Bye.

BTW you know that mid-2022 I will probably sharing my time between Greece and France?
The i4 has a lot of miles to do Athens>Patra>Venice (by ferry)>Southern France. Back and forth!

Also...

- Hey BMW...
- How can I help you.
- Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
- Sorry, I only do parallel parking!

- Hey BMW...
- How can I help you.
- You are mean to me!
- Je ne regrette rien!
(playing Edith Piaf in the background)

 

[460]

Southern France

that's where I park my car, let me know, we'll do drag races!

 

[Lord]

I will get the e40 not the M50 BUT I do have a secret weapon in my disposal!!

 

[460]

(having sex in car)
BMW engineering team speaking, could you please remove the fog from the interior camera?


Hey BMW, tell me some porn stuff
indivual colors.. 20'.. alloy wheels.. carbon package..


Hey BMW, play me some Iconic Sounds Garden
« Black hole sun, Won't you come, And wash away the rain »


Hey BMW, play me some Iconic Sounds of Silence
« Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again »


Hey BMW, would you..
NO! I HEARD YOU LAUGHING ABOUT MY ASS WITH YOUR FRIENDS! I'M GOING HOME TO SEE MY MOTHER!!


Hey BMW, take me to the radio therapy center
Won't you try the induction charger first?


Hey BMW,
Hey.. BMW ?
Hum… Hey KITT?
Yes Michael?
You've been really annoying since you saw Knight Rider!

 

[Lord]

- Hey BMW...
- How can I help you.
- Do you like Lord's and Mycroft's jokes?
- I am increasing the temperature to 37'C.
- What? No charging for you tonight!
- No...no...I like them..I...like them!

 

[Lord]

- Hey BMW.
- Hey BMW.
- I said HEY BMW!!!
- Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

You've been really annoying since you saw Gone with the wind.

 

[Lord]

- Hey BMW.
- How can I help?
- I need to put this 7 suitcases in the trunk.
- You're gonna need a bigger boat ....emm... car!

You've been really annoying since you saw Jaws.


- Hey BMW.
- How can I help?
- I'm not sure if I need more recuperation.
- You mean ...to B or not to B?

You've been really annoying since you read Hamlet.

 

[Lord]

- Hey BMW.
- You had me at "Hey"!

You've been really annoying since you saw Jerry Maguire. And by the way is Hello not Hey!

- Hey BMW,
- How can I help?
- Set driving mode to Comfort.
- No.
- What do you mean No?
- I feel the need...the need...for...
- Ok, Ok...I get it.

You've been really annoying since you saw Top Gun. And by the way that was the easiest joke.

- Hey BMW, where are you going?
- I'll be back.

You've been really annoying since you saw the Terminator. And by the way that was even easier!

 

[460]

Hey human, take me to the nearest charger